For a long time I've been interested in different spiritual paths, but in a lot of ways, as much as the philosophy behind wicca or paganism resonates with me, the actual practices do not. I've tried doing rituals, from by-the-book circle casting involving waving a kitchen knife in the air to more free form things with incense and my own chants, and some of them have been moving or helpful, but they have always felt contrived to me. And really, who has the time? And yet I yearn for that connection; I feel a sense of loss when I realize that I don't know what phase the moon is in, or realize I've let another equinox pass without marking it somehow. Especially now that we live in the city, it's so easy to miss seasonal cycles.

On the other hand, many of the things I do on a regular basis that aren't explicitly spiritual I think could be made more meaningful in that context. For instance, I've been doing a daily exercise recommended by Tal Ben-Shahar where you simply write down each day five things you are grateful for, and it has had a huge impact. When I do it regularly, I feel happier, more even-keeled, and find myself spontaneously thinking how lucky I am. I've been approaching it from the scientific context where I first heard of it, but it's just as much a simple ritual as it is a scientific exercise. The same could be said for yoga, which I approach as mostly physical (though I've read lots of the more metaphysical writings on yoga), but is also a kind of moving meditation. And then there is the most essential of daily rituals, the first cup of coffee in the morning.

So the question becomes how to be present and connected and aware in a way that fits with my daily life, that feels authentic and me? I really miss being outside on a regular basis. It's not like I don't leave the house, but the home-subway-work-subway-home thing just doesn't count.